Understanding is the Key
If adults learn their ways o speaking as children growing up in separate social worlds of peers, then conversation between women and men is cross-cultural communications. Although each style is valid on its own terms, misunderstandings arise because the styles are different. Taking a cross-cultural approach to male-female conversation makes it possible to explain why dissatisfactions are justified without accusing anyone of being wrong or crazy.
Learning about style differences won’t make them go away, but it can banish mutual mystification and blame. Being able to understand why our partners, friends and even strangers behave the way they do is a comfort, even if we still don’t see things the same way. It makes the world into more familiar territory. And having others understand why we talk and act as we do protects us from the pain of their puzzlement and criticism.
We all want, above all, to be heard - but not merely to be heard. We want to be understood - heard for what we think we are saying, for what we know what we meant. With increased understandingof the ways women and men use language should come a decrease in frequency of the complaint “you just don’t understand.”
